The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize