I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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