I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
