Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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