in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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