STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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