So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
