I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
