saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
