you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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