My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
