How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
