I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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