I am spending my child support on dildos
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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