i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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