im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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