it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize