Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
