Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
