I just saw a hot homeless man
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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