yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
