Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
