Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
