Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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