sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
