i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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