Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
