i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
