My first STD was from a foam party
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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