You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
