Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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