i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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