i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
