She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
