Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
