Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
