My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
