Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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