OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
