3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
