Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
