Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
