Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
