The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
