Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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