I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
