I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
