I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Green mimosas i think yes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
