in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
