i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize