At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
