I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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