There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize