I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
