Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
