This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
