I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
