member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
