think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
