If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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