Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
