i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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