Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
