Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
