btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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