she told me i tasted like america
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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