can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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