There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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