So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
