hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
