i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
