Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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