is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
