he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize