She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
