I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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