someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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